Musings on Marriage: The first of many, I'm sure.

Marriage is a fun topic for me, so I thought it was only appropriate that I used an old favorite as a springboard to plunge into my new blog.

The topic came up in recent conversation with one of my guy friends. He has been dating the same girl for a few years and is no further along in the relationship than he was three years ago. Meaning this -- he is living in the same place, she is living in the same place, and although there is talk of matrimony, he isn't ready to take the plunge.

My response: Why should he?

A recent conversation with a female friend of mine brought up the topic again. When I said I didn't see the point in marriage, she made the case for holy matrimony using the following arguments:

1. I want a commitment.
2. I want security.
3. I want him to put effort in making the relationship work instead of easily being able to walk away.
4. I want to be supported if he decides to leave.
5. I want a family.

With the exception of #5, all of these add up to the very reason husbands refer to wives as the "old ball and chain."

So for all of the women out there, I ask this:

Wouldn't you rather have someone stay with you because they love you instead of them staying with you because they feel trapped?

It is important to note that I am not referring to the couples that have been together, with children in the picture, that make the decision to get married for practical reasons.

No, this blog is going out to the single women who feel their lives are incomplete unless they have the wedding. You know, because a life can't fully be lived without having experiences like bachelorette parties, bridal showers, finding the DRESS, going on the honeymoon, finding the CAKE, etc.

I refer to these single women as husband hunters.

Now, don't assume I'm a husband hunter hater. I am not. Many of my friends are husband hunters and I love them dearly. But, I challenge them to read this post and really think about what they want in life.

To explain my issue with the archaic institution of marriage, I'd like to take apart the first 4 points made by my friend. Point #5 (Family) is a whole other topic that I will surely discuss in another blog soon.

First, I get it. I do. You want the fairy tale. You've seen it played out in full glory in every romantic comedy and/or drama ever made. You've read about it in romance novels. Boy meets girl. Boy loses girl. Boy fights to get girl back and pledges his undying and eternal love for girl. Boy and girl get married and live happily ever after. Think Princess Bride. Think Pretty Woman. Think any Hollywood story that stars a hot leading man and a gorgeous leading lady.

This, my friends, is not real life. And deep down, you know it.

Commitment can be found without all the dressings of a lavish to-do style wedding. Commitment can be achieved without a signed legal document. And commitment should not, I repeat, should NOT prevent happiness. Life is just too damn short to try and force a situation that makes either party unhappy.

Marriage does not provide security. At all. Having a ring on your finger does not prevent you or your spouse from deciding to cheat. It does not prevent your spouse from falling out of love with you or in love with someone else.

And it does not prevent your spouse from walking out the door.

And ladies, we live in the 21st century. We have fought tooth and nail for equal rights. To want a marriage certificate just for the right to take a man to the cleaners if he decides he no longer wants to be with you is a step backwards for women everywhere. Be independent. Take care of yourself. Be as strong as I know you can be and stand on your own two feet.

If this is a person you would seriously consider marrying, then this should also be a person you love above all others. Can you honestly say you love a person when you are actively planning - for your own selfish reasons - to make the other person miserable if they no longer want to be with you?

I don't think so.

I'm content with my single life right now, but if down the road I decide to get into another relationship, I am proudly stating with immense sincerity and certainty that I will never get legally married. I would like to think that if I loved a man enough to engage in a long-term relationship with him, then I would love him enough to allow him to be with me freely. And I would hope he would respect my desire for the same.

Trendy Triumph: Benefits from Loving Vampires

It appears that 2010 is off to a solid start at becoming another Year of the Vampire.

Although the eternally sexy blood-sucking undead have found immeasurable popularity over the last couple of years, it would be erroneous to not mention that there are a significant number of fang-haters walking among us.

It is in direct response to these beings that lack blood-lust that I write this blog. See, I have found that a little blood-lust is harmless, and might just do a body good. Allow me to explain.

As long as vampire stories have existed they have been associated with sex, lust, and sin. But, as teenagers have become more and more in love with the genre, shows like the Vampire Diaries and True Blood* are showing that vampires don't have to be just about sex and sin. Add the absurdly popular Twilight books and movies and it's clear that there is another theme prevailing - vampires are good. Sure, they have that pesky diet issue, but they are our protectors, they represent eternal youth, and...damn, they are sexy!

Of course I have my issues with the genre. The human girls tend to be portrayed as the damsels in distress, no matter their age. But, it has been quite refreshing to see that every once in awhile, even the frail little human girls turn out to be quite the protectors themselves.

In the Twilight books, it was Bella who rushes to save Edward from his own demise in Italy during New Moon.

In the Southern Vampire Mysteries Series (Sookie Stackhouse novels) it was Sookie who rushes to the aid of Bill when he was being held by Lorena in Book 3, and it was Sookie who rushes to the aid of Eric on a number of occasions in the books after that.

In the Vampire Diaries (referring to the show here, the books are unknown to me), Elena puts her life at risk on numerous occasions to rescue both of the Salvatore brothers.

And let's not forget that the Twilight books offer three female vampires in Esme, Rosalie, and Alice who equally need about as much protection as the Hulk.

So what is my point? Relax, I'm getting there.

The new vampire tradition has become much more even-handed in its gender and human delivery. While the leading vampire men are tortured, moody, dare-I-say-it-downright-EMO, they have high moral standards when it comes to respect for human life, and seem to genuinely feel pained when it becomes necessary for them to (gasp) kill someone. And although some of their actions can be a bit stalkerish, we forgive them because they just can't seem to help themselves, and we at least know they mean well.

But, most importantly, they are sexy and fun to watch.

So, how does this do a body good?

Because the theme of eternal youth spills over into reality. It isn't very often that women over the age of 30 get together in droves to see a midnight showing of a movie about teenagers on a weeknight.

I was one of these women, and based on the early box office results and the number of status updates from my peers telling the world which theater they were in with their friends to see the Eclipse premiere -- well, I think it's clear that vampires make us all feel young at heart and eternally youthful.

And there isn't a thing wrong with that.



A/N:

*True Blood might be a bad example due to the amount of nudity and sex on the show, but because Bill was portrayed as a tortured old-fashioned soul in the first two seasons, I feel it merits mention here.