Marriage is a fun topic for me, so I thought it was only appropriate that I used an old favorite as a springboard to plunge into my new blog.
The topic came up in recent conversation with one of my guy friends. He has been dating the same girl for a few years and is no further along in the relationship than he was three years ago. Meaning this -- he is living in the same place, she is living in the same place, and although there is talk of matrimony, he isn't ready to take the plunge.
My response: Why should he?
A recent conversation with a female friend of mine brought up the topic again. When I said I didn't see the point in marriage, she made the case for holy matrimony using the following arguments:
1. I want a commitment.
2. I want security.
3. I want him to put effort in making the relationship work instead of easily being able to walk away.
4. I want to be supported if he decides to leave.
5. I want a family.
With the exception of #5, all of these add up to the very reason husbands refer to wives as the "old ball and chain."
So for all of the women out there, I ask this:
Wouldn't you rather have someone stay with you because they love you instead of them staying with you because they feel trapped?
It is important to note that I am not referring to the couples that have been together, with children in the picture, that make the decision to get married for practical reasons.
No, this blog is going out to the single women who feel their lives are incomplete unless they have the wedding. You know, because a life can't fully be lived without having experiences like bachelorette parties, bridal showers, finding the DRESS, going on the honeymoon, finding the CAKE, etc.
I refer to these single women as husband hunters.
Now, don't assume I'm a husband hunter hater. I am not. Many of my friends are husband hunters and I love them dearly. But, I challenge them to read this post and really think about what they want in life.
To explain my issue with the archaic institution of marriage, I'd like to take apart the first 4 points made by my friend. Point #5 (Family) is a whole other topic that I will surely discuss in another blog soon.
First, I get it. I do. You want the fairy tale. You've seen it played out in full glory in every romantic comedy and/or drama ever made. You've read about it in romance novels. Boy meets girl. Boy loses girl. Boy fights to get girl back and pledges his undying and eternal love for girl. Boy and girl get married and live happily ever after. Think Princess Bride. Think Pretty Woman. Think any Hollywood story that stars a hot leading man and a gorgeous leading lady.
This, my friends, is not real life. And deep down, you know it.
Commitment can be found without all the dressings of a lavish to-do style wedding. Commitment can be achieved without a signed legal document. And commitment should not, I repeat, should NOT prevent happiness. Life is just too damn short to try and force a situation that makes either party unhappy.
Marriage does not provide security. At all. Having a ring on your finger does not prevent you or your spouse from deciding to cheat. It does not prevent your spouse from falling out of love with you or in love with someone else.
And it does not prevent your spouse from walking out the door.
And ladies, we live in the 21st century. We have fought tooth and nail for equal rights. To want a marriage certificate just for the right to take a man to the cleaners if he decides he no longer wants to be with you is a step backwards for women everywhere. Be independent. Take care of yourself. Be as strong as I know you can be and stand on your own two feet.
If this is a person you would seriously consider marrying, then this should also be a person you love above all others. Can you honestly say you love a person when you are actively planning - for your own selfish reasons - to make the other person miserable if they no longer want to be with you?
I don't think so.
I'm content with my single life right now, but if down the road I decide to get into another relationship, I am proudly stating with immense sincerity and certainty that I will never get legally married. I would like to think that if I loved a man enough to engage in a long-term relationship with him, then I would love him enough to allow him to be with me freely. And I would hope he would respect my desire for the same.
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