Missing the Magic: What Happened to Men in Movies?

A strange thing happened while watching Dancing with the Stars last night: it brought me to tears. I wasn't going to even watch this season. With Bristol Palin and the Hoff, I wasn't really feeling it. But, then I heard Jennifer Grey would be on the show and I knew I would have to tune in whether I wanted to or not. In a way, I wish I hadn't.

The clip of her practice with Derek where she finds out they'll be dancing to 'These Arms of Mine' brought me to sobs before it even hit her - it was a song on the Dirty Dancing soundtrack. I immediately felt the absence of Patrick Swayze and felt a significant ache at knowing he's gone.

I have always enjoyed movies -- probably more than I should. But even more than my love for movies, I've had a love for certain characters in them.

Johnny Castle was one of these characters.

It's hard to believe that it's been over 20 years since Dirty Dancing hit theaters. I still remember the first time my parents took me to see it. I left the theater on a sunny afternoon dancing in the parking lot. I was only 7 years old. And I was in love.

Baby became my hero and Johnny -- remember, at the age of 7 -- became my ideal man. It took one viewing of the movie and I was convinced that I was destined to live a life like Baby's and end up falling in love and dancing with a guy like Johnny.

But Johnny wasn't the first Hollywood movie crush I experienced. About 2-3 years earlier (yes, when I was about 4-5 years old), my very first crush was on Christopher Reeve's Superman.

It's pretty remarkable that even so young I could recognize a great thing when I saw it. Tall, handsome, honest, strong... what wasn't to love?

I still felt that crush every time I watched any of the Superman movies (Christopher Reeve versions only though) later in life. And when Christopher Reeve was injured and later passed away, it felt bittersweet: it was incredibly sad that he was gone, but I felt relief that he would always live on through his characters.

Remembering the loss of these two magic men made me think about movies of our current generation. What characters can even come close to comparing to these favorites?

Sure, the girls like their Rob Patz and Taylor Lautner. But it isn't the same. We had Rob Lowe and Michael Schoeffling. Before there were "I love Jacob" t-shirts, we had "I love Jake Ryan" t-shirts. These teen dreams come and go in every generation. But few rise above and reach icon status.

Christopher Reeve reached icon status for a great number of people - crossing generational lines. Patrick Swayze certainly reached that status in my eyes.

So what happened? Why are so few characters fall-in-love-worthy? What happened to the magic in the movies that made you want to jump into the TV so you can fly around the world or be saved at Niagara Falls, or so you can practice doing the lift in a lake with a half-naked dancer?

Sure, I have my movie crushes now -- but these days they're fleeting and usually only last as long as I'm watching the movie. The crush isn't EPIC.

Maybe it's because I just can't imagine crying over the loss of someone I've never met now -- but then, if that was the case, why cry during Dancing with the Stars when I thought about Patrick's absence?

I think characters just lack that magical quality that seemed to ooze out of both of these guys' characters. I miss that magic in movies.

Until Hollywood sweeps me away with a new epic crush, I guess I'll just have to watch my worn DVD's of Superman and Dirty Dancing -- just thinking about that puts a smile on my face. Nothing wrong with being old enough to drink a glass of wine while watching two lifelong favorites.

Grossly Oblivious People: The New GOP

It isn't very often that I'm rendered speechless.

It is such a rare occurrence that I'm not entirely sure how to even start this blog. Where can you start? Where does it end?

Most of you may not be paying attention to the midterms. If you think I'm talking about college essay exams, you have definitely not been watching the news.

In Delaware, the Republicans of that state have picked Christine O'Donnell as their representative going into the November elections.

In case you have been under a rock and don't know anything about her, let me go over a couple of highlights.

-- She's a member of the Tea Party
-- She was endorsed by Sarah Palin
-- She is an extreme right wing wanna-be politician. I know, I know...you're thinking, "Well, Dacia, coming from a liberal atheist, I'm sure she's really not THAT bad." Hmmm. Okay. Let me convince you using just two points -- these points, I should point out myself, have been confirmed via video footage of this woman in interviews.

1. She, like most republicans, is anti-choice. (I don't like the term pro-life, for one thing, I find it ironic since many of these people are pro-death penalty). Now, this isn't quite radical despite how much I disagree with this view. What IS radical, is that she believes that there are NO EXCEPTIONS to when abortion should be legal -- even in the cases of rape or incest. She actually has said that she believes that God has a plan for everyone, and that you need to turn to God for guidance and encouragement in the event of rape or incest and he will help you come to terms (no pun intended) with your pregnancy. This means that if a 14 year old girl was raped by her Uncle or Father, Ms. O'Donnell believes the government should force her to carry that baby to term because it is part of "God's plan."

2. As a founder of SALT (Savior's Alliance for Lifting the Truth) she went on video to state that not only are homosexuals an abomination, but that the "gay" can be cured. Even nuttier, she said that we need to teach children about sexuality at an early age because they need to understand masturbating is bad. Why? Because lust is a form of adultery, and you can't have masturbation without lust, therefore, in the eyes of God, you are committing adultery by pleasuring yourself. Oh, and I almost forgot -- the use of condoms, according to her, spreads HIV/AIDS.

Try having that conversation with your kid someday.

I wish I could say that this woman is just a crazy nut job that has no prayer of getting elected to our United States Senate. But, the truth is, she surprised a lot of people by winning the Republican primary. Now, I don't think the rest of the citizens in Delaware are willing to have a crazy loon as their representative (at least, I hope) and I'm sure they'll make sure the Democratic candidate gets seated. But, can we just stop for a moment and realize that this woman WON a primary?

I also wish I could say that she is the only radical that has a shot of landing in Washington this November, but unfortunately, she's not. There are a total of 5 confirmed republican candidates that successfully won their primaries that agree with Ms. O'Donnell's radical view of abortion - stating they do not believe abortion is acceptable in ANY case. Considering 1 in 4 women are sexually assaulted in their lifetime, this is a serious issue that dramatically affects the lives of almost half of our population.

My question for all of the GOP'ers out there is this:

How can you state on one hand that you want "less government" -- but keep fighting for all of these government regulations that take away significantly important freedoms?

From Don't Ask, Don't Tell to forcing pregnancies on women that had no choice in their circumstance, how is this less government?

I know it's asking a lot for people to be honest. But, for once, I'd like someone to stand up and say, "When I scream at these rallies that I want to take back MY country, what I really mean is that I want to take back my country from a black President."

The term "take back" in reference to this country is language that really rubs me raw. It's quite obvious what this means when the people at these rallies are older white people. **(As a side note that I really think goes without saying, not ALL older white people feel this way, so I don't need comments saying there are exceptions. Of course there are, if there weren't, Obama wouldn't have been elected.)

And, I would really like it if people that say they are "republican" can give me ONE good reason why they would align themselves with such a party other than "Well, I don't like taxes and I don't think government should be big."

As I've already stated, Republicans believe in government control too. It's just different policies/issues they are controlling.

Now, I'm not saying the Democratic Party is perfect. I know they both have their issues. But we are talking about moving our country radically in reverse by electing such zealots to our political offices.

The only way our country will ever be able to actually get anything done is if both sides are willing to work with each other. This means that people have to stop seeing "red" and "blue" and start becoming color blind when it comes to human rights issues.

There is hope. I can't believe I'm about to say this -- but, I actually have been intrigued by Meghan McCain -- the outspoken daughter of Senator John McCain. She intrigues me because while she's still a republican, and I disagree with her on many issues, she's young, smart, and isn't afraid to buck up against the republican standards when she thinks they are wrong about issues. For example -- she disagrees with her Father's position on Don't Ask, Don't Tell and believes it's repeal is long overdue. She also believes in gay rights and feels that everyone should have the right to marriage (non-religious civil unions, as it is not up to the government to mandate church policies). It's refreshing for someone who is a republican to openly state their support for these two items. Now, if I find out she believes evolution isn't just a "theory", I'll be really excited about our future.

I don't know what is going to happen to our country. I only hope that we continue to move forward, instead of feeling like we are taking two steps back.

Facebook 101

Ahhh, Facebook. The place to reconnect. The place to keep in touch with all of your current friends and to get back in touch with all of your long lost friends. The place to share personal stories and memories. The place to reminisce about the past. The place to share all of your good and bad news -- all at the same time. The place to finally talk to that person in H.S. you sat behind but never spoke a word to while in the same room with them. The place to feel cool when you have a high number in that little red circle when you first log on -- you know the one. The place to "like" a friend's status when you either don't care or really don't know what to say. The place to become friends with people only to hide them from your view immediately after you accept them. The place to find out what your ex is up to -- who he/she is dating, who they are still friends with, what they are doing with their life. The place to cyber-stalk that kid from high school you had a crush on.

Let's be honest with ourselves. Facebook is not a place just for friends. If you question this, here's a little test you can conduct to see:

1. Pretend you are about to get married. Pretend that your spouse-to-be wants a small wedding. Now imagine that you have to limit the number of friends you can invite to 50 people. Family are all already invited, so this 50 is just for friends. Who will you invite?
2. Now, take your guest list and compare these names with your friends on Facebook.
3. Now, imagine you were given a reprieve from your spouse-to-be and they wanted a change of venue, allowing you (if you wanted) to invite every single person on your Facebook friends list to your wedding. Would you? Would you really want every single person on your friends list there?

You and I both know you have at least a handful of people on your friends list that you never talk to. Some of you may have people on your friends list that you know you should know, but can't remember ever actually having a conversation with them whenever it was that you knew them (high school, college, etc.)

So, now that we're all on the same page, and are being honest with ourselves, let's go over a few lessons on how to turn Facebook(referred to as "FB" from here on out) into what it should be.

Lesson 1: Know How and When to Friend Purge.

Imagine if everyone you've ever known in your life had a FB page. I mean everyone. Not just people that you've known well or liked, but every single person that has come into contact with your life - whether it was a classmate in elementary school or a coworker at your first job -- imagine if they all had FB pages. Now imagine that every single person you've ever known came across your FB page and said, "Hey! I remember them! They used to sit behind me in Mrs. Adams third grade class. I never talked to them back then, but I wonder what they are up to now?" So they friend request you. You see this friend request and vaguely remember this person. You never talked to them when they were in your life, but you can't see the harm in accepting them as a friend now. Besides, isn't it kind of mean to not confirm someone if you should know them?

NO! It is NOT mean. But if you'd like to accept this person as a friend and see where it goes (you never know -- you could always make new friends this way and there is nothing wrong with that) then go for it. Confirm them as a friend.

Depending on how often you are accepting friends, you should go through your friends list at least once every few months. Now, if that friend has made no other contact with you other than their "friend request" and you don't know them now any better than you did when you stared blankly at their name trying to see the picture in the tiny box to figure out who the person was -- they need to be purged. Why? Because if you didn't friend them while you knew them in real life, and you've spent a few months sharing personal information with this person via status updates for a few months and there is still nothing there, why are you keeping this person as a "friend"? You don't know a thing about them. They could have been mentally painting a bullseye on the back of your head in Mrs. Adams 3rd grade class and grew up to be a psychopath, or...they could be completely normal. But you don't know them, so why let them in your life, seeing pictures of your kids and your friends' kids? Purge them.

Now, there are some of you that collect friends like trophies. The more you have, the happier you are. But let me just say this: No one thinks you actually have 500 friends. You are only fooling yourself. Besides, if you have that many people populating your newsfeed, how do you keep an eye on status updates from actual, real friends?

Lesson 2: Know Your Audience.

If you play Farmville or any other weird FB game, just be aware that if you have friends that don't play these games they are either blocking or hiding you. If you are okay with that, keep posting how you have a goat to trade or need a new cow to milk.

Here's a suggestion: I play Family Feud occasionally. I know which friends play as well, so if I need "help" finishing fast money, I target those specific friends that I know play the game instead of posting junky game updates to the newsfeed. I don't like it when other people do it, so I avoid doing it myself. If you want to avoid annoying your friends and getting all of your status updates hidden from view, then follow my lead.

Second, as with the FB games, be mindful of other things you are posting to your page as well. I know everyone likes to get on their soapbox. As a fairly liberal atheist, I have a strong opinion on social and political issues and often enjoy posting "gems" I find on youtube, or sometimes I like to share links for articles I found interesting. I don't do this all that often, but I like sharing links and videos because this way friends that are like-minded can easily access them and read the article or watch the video and can enjoy it as much as I have. For those friends that are not like-minded, they can see the subject matter of the video or link and chose NOT to click on it. This way, everyone is happy. I've shared something with my friends that think a bit like me, and I've avoided irritating friends that don't.

Sometimes you may feel fired up about a topic you saw on the news or read online, and it's understandable under these circumstances to vent in a status update. This doesn't happen often, you are just voicing your opinion, and you'll change your status about what you are eating for lunch soon enough anyway. But if you are barraging your friends with daily doses of something completely unrelated to you specifically as a status update, (i.e. Bible quotes of the day) be aware that you may get hidden from view or friend purged if you have friends that don't necessarily share your opinions. Some of you may be okay with this. I know I certainly am okay if a friend feels the need to delete me because I posted an opinion piece via link or video about religion, politics, etc. But I wouldn't get mad or upset at any friend for feeling the need to do this, so please don't get mad at any of your friends that do the same.

Lesson 3: Know When to Curb Your Comments.

You may find this hard to believe, but not everything needs to be commented on. If you don't know what to say to someone who has posted a new picture or a new status update -- don't say anything! The beauty of keeping in touch with friends via FB is that most of the time nothing is directly sent to you. Unlike email where you feel pressure to respond, there is no pressure to respond to anything that isn't directed right at you.

Second, realize when something can be kept to yourself. If you don't agree with something that a friend posted or are disappointed in a picture they uploaded -- then you have the option of deleting that post from your newsfeed view. Unless this person is an extremely close actual friend that you are close enough to tell secrets to and you think the picture or post will somehow harm her or him, then by all means, call them up or send them a private message to explain yourself. Do not post in the comments section -- for all to see -- correcting your friend for using what you deem as inappropriate language or for posting a picture that you believe shows inappropriate behavior. Understand that these are your opinions and may not be shared by your friend.

Finally, if you feel the urge to comment on something, make sure it is an actual comment. I won't take on at this time the misuse of "LOL" -- instead, I'll direct you to my friend's page, Nicole Pace. She wrote a brief but brilliant piece on the overused acronym and it is well worth the read (and part of your lesson) and you can find it here: "LOL" must die: It's no laughing matter.

In Summary

In order for Facebook to actually function as a place for friends, you need to help the social network site out.

Conduct frequent friend purges to ensure only actual friends have access to your thoughts, happenings, pictures, etc.

Use Facebook the way it should be intended -- communicate with your friends and use it as a real "friend space" since it is sometimes hard in this day and age to get together physically with your friends at the same time.

And finally, don't let the computer screen and blinking cursor lull you into a false sense of anonymity -- your name is attached to the comments you make, so if these are not comments you would use in face-to-face conversation with this person, then you probably shouldn't be posting it.

Think of your Facebook page as your online apartment. A virtual place to personalize and to have your friends over since it isn't always feasible to do in real life.

A World Visitor

I have been to more countries than most of my friends. I get excited about a new passport stamp the way I imagine a Girl Scout would get excited over a new badge -- I wouldn't know, as I was never a Girl Scout.

After receiving my third stamp, I considered myself a world traveler. But I read a blog from a REAL world traveler recently that completely changed my idea of what it means to be a true traveler. To my complete surprise, I have come to the realization that I haven't really traveled at all. Sure, I've seen a lot of places. I've bravely eaten a lot of foreign cuisine, and I've socialized (somewhat) with as many locals as I could that spoke English.

But this traveler said something that made me pause -- he said, "it's not about how many stamps are in your passport. Traveling is not about competition, it's about the experience."

Then it donned on me: I am not a world traveler. I am a world visitor. I've never immersed myself in a foreign culture for any length of time and have rarely gone beyond the typical tourist traps of every foreign place I've been.

I've always enjoyed going on trips. As a kid, I think it was mostly the constant movement that drew me in, though our family trips always took place in the U.S. I liked the newness of it -- seeing a place for the first time, or driving through a town that I had never heard of. Taking pictures of big buffalo statues or huge roller skates on the side of the road. Road trips have always been a favorite of mine - the less planned out the trip is, the better and more enjoyable it becomes.

But international travel has been a bit different for me. Managing to get off the beaten path is something that has eluded me, for the most part. But, there have been a few exceptions. Just a quick highlight of some of these exceptions:

I'll never forget the cab ride in Bahrain. A guy friend of mine and I wanted to get off base and just go somewhere (anywhere) other than the base bowling alley or bar (the memorable Desert Dome), so we took a cab to their mall. The cab ride was nerve-racking to say the least. Cabs in NYC felt tame compared to this experience, and when we passed a highway sign that read "To Saudi Arabia" and that was the highway the cab driver took, it only added to the uneasy feeling. Then the cabbie looked back at me and my friend with a smirk and asked us if we wanted to go to a hotel -- and kept asking even after we told him that a mall in BAHRAIN would be just fine. I still sometimes wonder how I kept my cool. Did I mention that this was during Operation Enduring/Iraqi Freedom and was right around the time the Saddam statue was being pulled down in Baghdad? I knew we didn't have reason to really worry -- Bahrain was friendly to U.S. troops, but ... not everyone in the country felt that way, and we sure didn't want to end up crossing borders - no matter how friendly those borders seemed.

Of course, then there was Singapore -- which was a blast. Oops -- forgot to draw out the sarcasm on that one. Of the three days we were in port, I had liberty for two days. Day 1 was a disaster. It was rainy all day. A different Navy friend and I decided to go off on our own (big mistake) and jump on the train to the center city. We thought we were both doing good -- being familiar with subways, the Singapore trains were color coded which made it easy for us English-only speakers. Of course, the map included a "purple line" which we needed to pick up in order to get to where we thought we wanted to go. About an hour later of waiting in the terminal, we finally found out from a worker that spoke English that the purple line had not completed construction yet and was thus not running. The real fun part after that was trying to figure out where to go, how to get there, and what to do when we did get there. We managed to take a train somewhere, find a food court, get a drink, fight with each other about which way to go down a street that reminded me of Times Square gone tech. And after just wanting off the ship and away from the people we saw day in and day out, we glued ourselves to the first fellow shipmates we came across along the way. We dined at the truly authentic Hard Rock Cafe where we at least drank a Singapore Sling, then picked up additional friendly faces and found a bar that played American music and served Tiger beer. We stuck together to find our way back to our ship and then Day 2 was spent on the quite large Singapore base where we did all of our shopping. But, after the previous day's experience, we even opted for another friend to guide us to the stores on base for lack of enthusiasm of getting lost...again. Oh! And did I mention the toilets which were just holes in the ground? Good times.

Australia was a MAJOR improvement and was a welcome sight for by-then sore eyes (as were the Aussie Navy guys on the small boat talking to us as we were pulling into the pier.) In all seriousness, the sight and sound of an elementary and middle school marching band welcoming our ship to the pier with "Anchors Aweigh" is something I hope to never forget. The zoo where our group was chased by an emu (they must not believe in cages in their zoos) or the night zoo where I fed kangaroos sweet bread by a campfire...these are definitely memories I will cherish for as long as my memory holds up and these are memories that can't be captured in a scrapbook.

Round 2 with my friend from the Singapore adventure was held in Italy. One highlight was this atheist sort of "running into" a crowd that eventually all saw the new Pope (I even have a picture to prove that one.) And as much as this particular friend and I have experience in getting lost, we managed to do the same in a little place called San Giamnano (I know I spelled that wrong) -- but we had a fun tour guide in Michaelangelo and the hightlight was going to a family owned vineyard and eating and drinking, and eating and drinking, and then eating some more. Mangia! Mangia! The cibo and vino were fantastico! Muah!

The trip to Ireland with my criminal justice class at Penn State left me with many fond memories. Seeing Newgrange was just plain cool. Meeting Ireland's first woman on their Supreme Court -- another "just plain cool" moment. Running into a Scottish rugby team at the top of the Guinness tower was not only unexpected, but turned into a pretty sweet memory after they talked the female bartenders in leading a rendition of Molly Malone -- everyone in the bar joined in that knew the words. Renting a car with 3 classmates and driving on our own 4 hours away to Blarney Castle -- and hanging upside down to kiss the Blarney Stone -- although this is considered a touristy part of Ireland, the trip itself was the experience. Oh! And I can't forget about getting the bejesus scared out of me in the creepy monastery we stayed in at Maynooth -- and touring the gothic graveyard behind the dorms at night -- these are definitely moments I hope I won't forget anytime soon, and are but just a few of the cool experiences I had in that country.

And that brings us to Greece. I have so many wonderful memories of the Greek islands, it's hard to summarize any of them. My favorite, and the one that will always make me smile, is definitely the restaurant we ate at in Karterados (twice, since seeing and flirting with my Greek man one night just wasn't enough). I'd love to go back there someday.

Next up for me is a cruise -- something I've never done (outside of the Navy of course). We'll be heading to St. Thomas, Puerto Rico, Dominican Republic, and Haiti. I'm most looking forward to Haiti and I'm sure I'll have more experiences in these places to add to the "exceptions."

After reading some highlights from the places I've been, maybe being a world visitor isn't such a bad thing. Although I haven't immersed myself in the culture of the places I've been -- abandoning attempts at speaking English or seeking out the not so famous spots that offer a true glimpse of the people that live there -- I still have been able to have fun and exciting experiences in foreign places. And when it comes right down to it -- isn't that what traveling -- foreign or domestic -- is really about?