Ahhh, Facebook. The place to reconnect. The place to keep in touch with all of your current friends and to get back in touch with all of your long lost friends. The place to share personal stories and memories. The place to reminisce about the past. The place to share all of your good and bad news -- all at the same time. The place to finally talk to that person in H.S. you sat behind but never spoke a word to while in the same room with them. The place to feel cool when you have a high number in that little red circle when you first log on -- you know the one. The place to "like" a friend's status when you either don't care or really don't know what to say. The place to become friends with people only to hide them from your view immediately after you accept them. The place to find out what your ex is up to -- who he/she is dating, who they are still friends with, what they are doing with their life. The place to cyber-stalk that kid from high school you had a crush on.
Let's be honest with ourselves. Facebook is not a place just for friends. If you question this, here's a little test you can conduct to see:
1. Pretend you are about to get married. Pretend that your spouse-to-be wants a small wedding. Now imagine that you have to limit the number of friends you can invite to 50 people. Family are all already invited, so this 50 is just for friends. Who will you invite?
2. Now, take your guest list and compare these names with your friends on Facebook.
3. Now, imagine you were given a reprieve from your spouse-to-be and they wanted a change of venue, allowing you (if you wanted) to invite every single person on your Facebook friends list to your wedding. Would you? Would you really want every single person on your friends list there?
You and I both know you have at least a handful of people on your friends list that you never talk to. Some of you may have people on your friends list that you know you should know, but can't remember ever actually having a conversation with them whenever it was that you knew them (high school, college, etc.)
So, now that we're all on the same page, and are being honest with ourselves, let's go over a few lessons on how to turn Facebook(referred to as "FB" from here on out) into what it should be.
Lesson 1: Know How and When to Friend Purge.
Imagine if everyone you've ever known in your life had a FB page. I mean everyone. Not just people that you've known well or liked, but every single person that has come into contact with your life - whether it was a classmate in elementary school or a coworker at your first job -- imagine if they all had FB pages. Now imagine that every single person you've ever known came across your FB page and said, "Hey! I remember them! They used to sit behind me in Mrs. Adams third grade class. I never talked to them back then, but I wonder what they are up to now?" So they friend request you. You see this friend request and vaguely remember this person. You never talked to them when they were in your life, but you can't see the harm in accepting them as a friend now. Besides, isn't it kind of mean to not confirm someone if you should know them?
NO! It is NOT mean. But if you'd like to accept this person as a friend and see where it goes (you never know -- you could always make new friends this way and there is nothing wrong with that) then go for it. Confirm them as a friend.
Depending on how often you are accepting friends, you should go through your friends list at least once every few months. Now, if that friend has made no other contact with you other than their "friend request" and you don't know them now any better than you did when you stared blankly at their name trying to see the picture in the tiny box to figure out who the person was -- they need to be purged. Why? Because if you didn't friend them while you knew them in real life, and you've spent a few months sharing personal information with this person via status updates for a few months and there is still nothing there, why are you keeping this person as a "friend"? You don't know a thing about them. They could have been mentally painting a bullseye on the back of your head in Mrs. Adams 3rd grade class and grew up to be a psychopath, or...they could be completely normal. But you don't know them, so why let them in your life, seeing pictures of your kids and your friends' kids? Purge them.
Now, there are some of you that collect friends like trophies. The more you have, the happier you are. But let me just say this: No one thinks you actually have 500 friends. You are only fooling yourself. Besides, if you have that many people populating your newsfeed, how do you keep an eye on status updates from actual, real friends?
Lesson 2: Know Your Audience.
If you play Farmville or any other weird FB game, just be aware that if you have friends that don't play these games they are either blocking or hiding you. If you are okay with that, keep posting how you have a goat to trade or need a new cow to milk.
Here's a suggestion: I play Family Feud occasionally. I know which friends play as well, so if I need "help" finishing fast money, I target those specific friends that I know play the game instead of posting junky game updates to the newsfeed. I don't like it when other people do it, so I avoid doing it myself. If you want to avoid annoying your friends and getting all of your status updates hidden from view, then follow my lead.
Second, as with the FB games, be mindful of other things you are posting to your page as well. I know everyone likes to get on their soapbox. As a fairly liberal atheist, I have a strong opinion on social and political issues and often enjoy posting "gems" I find on youtube, or sometimes I like to share links for articles I found interesting. I don't do this all that often, but I like sharing links and videos because this way friends that are like-minded can easily access them and read the article or watch the video and can enjoy it as much as I have. For those friends that are not like-minded, they can see the subject matter of the video or link and chose NOT to click on it. This way, everyone is happy. I've shared something with my friends that think a bit like me, and I've avoided irritating friends that don't.
Sometimes you may feel fired up about a topic you saw on the news or read online, and it's understandable under these circumstances to vent in a status update. This doesn't happen often, you are just voicing your opinion, and you'll change your status about what you are eating for lunch soon enough anyway. But if you are barraging your friends with daily doses of something completely unrelated to you specifically as a status update, (i.e. Bible quotes of the day) be aware that you may get hidden from view or friend purged if you have friends that don't necessarily share your opinions. Some of you may be okay with this. I know I certainly am okay if a friend feels the need to delete me because I posted an opinion piece via link or video about religion, politics, etc. But I wouldn't get mad or upset at any friend for feeling the need to do this, so please don't get mad at any of your friends that do the same.
Lesson 3: Know When to Curb Your Comments.
You may find this hard to believe, but not everything needs to be commented on. If you don't know what to say to someone who has posted a new picture or a new status update -- don't say anything! The beauty of keeping in touch with friends via FB is that most of the time nothing is directly sent to you. Unlike email where you feel pressure to respond, there is no pressure to respond to anything that isn't directed right at you.
Second, realize when something can be kept to yourself. If you don't agree with something that a friend posted or are disappointed in a picture they uploaded -- then you have the option of deleting that post from your newsfeed view. Unless this person is an extremely close actual friend that you are close enough to tell secrets to and you think the picture or post will somehow harm her or him, then by all means, call them up or send them a private message to explain yourself. Do not post in the comments section -- for all to see -- correcting your friend for using what you deem as inappropriate language or for posting a picture that you believe shows inappropriate behavior. Understand that these are your opinions and may not be shared by your friend.
Finally, if you feel the urge to comment on something, make sure it is an actual comment. I won't take on at this time the misuse of "LOL" -- instead, I'll direct you to my friend's page, Nicole Pace. She wrote a brief but brilliant piece on the overused acronym and it is well worth the read (and part of your lesson) and you can find it here: "LOL" must die: It's no laughing matter.
In Summary
In order for Facebook to actually function as a place for friends, you need to help the social network site out.
Conduct frequent friend purges to ensure only actual friends have access to your thoughts, happenings, pictures, etc.
Use Facebook the way it should be intended -- communicate with your friends and use it as a real "friend space" since it is sometimes hard in this day and age to get together physically with your friends at the same time.
And finally, don't let the computer screen and blinking cursor lull you into a false sense of anonymity -- your name is attached to the comments you make, so if these are not comments you would use in face-to-face conversation with this person, then you probably shouldn't be posting it.
Think of your Facebook page as your online apartment. A virtual place to personalize and to have your friends over since it isn't always feasible to do in real life.
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