A Full Moon at the Can Can

Getting Dethroned: Knowing When To Just OWN It.


I have a pretty funny story to tell. I think the funniest part is that it has been in the making for quite some time.

It's no secret that I love my job. When I say that I love my job, I mean that I GENUINELY love my job -- it's a rare condition that seems to affect very few people in this world, unfortunately.

Part of the reason why I love my job so much is because of the people I work with. My boss is a truly remarkable person. He's one of those bosses that doesn't even realize how great of a boss he is. The rest of my "boys" all have their individual personality quirks, but are still all equally lovable in their own right. I have joked in the past that it should be easy for people to understand why I never want married in my personal life when I spend the majority of my time with 5 different husbands that I work with. I have the husband that lets my "honey do" list go in one ear and out the other, I have one husband that is super sensitive to my every facial expression and always has a quick "What's wrong?" waiting for me if I don't 'look' right, I have the husband that delivers friendly and flirty banter, and then the husband that bickers with me every chance he gets, etc., etc., etc.

It is the husband that bickers with me every chance he gets that stars in this particular comedy.

We'll name him "George" to keep things anonymous.


George and I have been bickering for what feels like years. Everyone in the office often jokes that we sound like a real married couple - and whenever someone makes this joke, both of our faces immediately wrinkle up in disgust at the thought. I'm not his type. He's not my type. This doesn't prevent him from occasionally flirting -- in between getting red-faced and fired up about the latest thing he's pissed at me about. I take it in strides. He is very much like a female in the sense that he never lets anything go - and will quickly throw a past argument back in your face even months later if it suits his current argument. He's a frustrating person to argue with because his complaints and rants are completely irrational. We have had a couple of pretty nasty verbal bouts in the past, the last one of which occurred just a couple of weeks ago. But, as with most working relationships, we manage to make up and get the job done with genuine smiles on our faces.

It's important to note that George is the only person in the office with whom I have this kind of volatile interaction.

Last Friday I came in to work early to help interview a potential new hire. I normally get to the office a few hours after the boys, but on this particular day I was at the office before the boys. The morning went well, and being there earlier than normal allowed me to get quite a bit of work done, even after spending time in the interview.

The boys were in the back warehouse getting their schedules out and the day started. I had already had one cup of coffee at this point and by 7:30 my bladder was feeling the pressure.

We have one toilet/bathroom in our building. This bathroom is shared by both sexes as it is, like I just said, the only bathroom in the building.

Now, I should probably stop here (since you already know where I'm heading) and talk about the history of our particular bathroom.

Yes, our bathroom has "history" -- and quite a funny one.

First, there was the 'Bare Necessities': When I first started - there was no hand soap, no paper towels, and you were lucky to get toilet paper because this is a bathroom only guys frequented at the time.

Then, there was the 'F'ed up Flusher': We had the lid off the back of the toilet on the floor for weeks because you had to reach in and pull up on one of the arms on the inside to flush the toilet manually. We finally rigged this somehow with a coat hanger that replaced a 'flusher' for several more weeks.

Then, we had 'Impaired Illumination': The electricity in our bathroom didn't work for awhile -- so while we had the flusher rigged, we also had a construction lamp inside the bathroom (which is like a HUGE spotlight) that we needed to plug in during each bathroom use.

Then, we had the 'Defective Door Knob': For a solid week before we got it fixed, our bathroom door had the remarkable ability to lock a person inside the bathroom. Yes, you were locked in the bathroom from the inside. One of the guys that works in the warehouse got himself locked in the bathroom one day when I was the only one in the office. It was quite the experience trying to explain to him through a wooden door how to use the screwdriver on the shelf in the bathroom to unlock the door -- did I mention he didn't speak English? It was really funny...


Which brings us to the 'Warped Door': Now that we've had a fully functioning bathroom for almost a year now, we weren't too surprised when we started noticing that the door sometimes doesn't shut all the way unless you put your weight into closing it. It can "click" shut and still technically be open. Which brings us to last Friday...

Now, I hope you are reading this and understand that I am describing our little bathroom with love -- the bathroom is just one of those quirky things that provides character to our office.

But, you aren't honestly thinking about the 'character' of the office when you have your pants around your ankles, ass in the air, and you are bending over getting ready to pull your pants up when a coworker walks in on you.

It might not have been as funny if it was anyone else walking in on anyone else. But it was George walking in on good 'ole me. Yep, that's right -- he got a full moon. And out of sheer shock and humiliation, he actually FROZE in the doorway staring at me (and making eye contact) before I called out his name and he snapped into action and closed the door.


Now, when a coworker sees your rear in full pale glory... you can handle it one of two ways...

You could either A) Freak out, get mortified and hide in your office embarrassed beyond belief, debating on whether or not you'll ever come out of your office again or ever come back to work for that matter...

Or...

B) Take a deep breath and walk out of the bathroom into the warehouse and say, "Bathroom's all yours, George."

I, of course, opted for option B. I decided to face down the embarrassment by walking into the warehouse laughing off the entire incident. To be fair, George was more humiliated than me, so it was easy to aim the teasing jokes in his direction. He joked about how we might get along better now that we are so much 'closer.' My response? "Well, if I had known showing my ass to you would have made you act nicer to me, I would have done it much sooner." All of the guys couldn't believe how UN-embarrassed I was about the whole situation.

Now had it been ANYONE other than George, like say, my boss for example...I probably would be typing a very different story with a drastically different tone...because I honestly don't know if I could have taken it so well if it had been anyone else.

The story has been told to just about everyone affiliated with our work and my boss' wife came in to the office today and told me how my boss told her the story and couldn't get over how I "took it like a champ."

Is there a lesson to be learned here? Well, aside from making sure the door is actually locked?

I think so -- when faced with an impossibly embarrassing situation, there is ALWAYS an alternative way to reacting that makes you come out on top. :)